Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
