just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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