Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I intend to get homeless drunk
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
