I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
My underwear smells like fireworks.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
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