Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
