My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
