i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Fuck appropriateness.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
