you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
