Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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