we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
