Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
