you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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