Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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