Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
