you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
