i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
