OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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