so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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