You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
