Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
