Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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