I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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