p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
