I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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