did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
smell my finger.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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