im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
