we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
