The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
vagina is talking i cant
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Randomize
