Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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