Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
