i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
he shaved USA in his pubs
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
