How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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