She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
