...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
