Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
