My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I think I sprained my soul last night
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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