Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
