If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
this is an emotional support booty call
My Sexting was not on an AP level
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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