You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
