do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
