Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
