is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
