3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Randomize
