Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Randomize
