Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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