I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
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