She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Randomize
