he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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