On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
