I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
