Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(937): View more from Ohio

Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not

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(205): View more from Alabama

i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.

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(706): View more from Georgia

Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.

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(630): View more from Illinois

I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.

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(575): View more from New Mexico

I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.

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