we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize