I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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