ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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