today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize