Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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