Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
