never play flip cup with pint glasses
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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