WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My vagina is very pro this idea
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
