Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
