I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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