Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
