She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
