she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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