your thong is hanging out like whoa
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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