you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Everyone says I win the strip club
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
