Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
