apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
