Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
