Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
