Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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