this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
