Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
