And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
