I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
