I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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