i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
