you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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