She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
