your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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