I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
