Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
