I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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