I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
