I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
