We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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