remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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